its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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