THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
