Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
