I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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