Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
