I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
