my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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