Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
