Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
