we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
