FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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