I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
