My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
