Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
