is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
