i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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