Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
