watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
foreskin is a definite game changer
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
