my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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