Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
