Nicole vs. Life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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