Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
