Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
