we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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