I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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