I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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