We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
