just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
as a side note pls kill me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
