im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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