I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
