operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
