You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
barbara walters just said penis...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
