Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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