My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
