Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
