When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
