I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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