Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
