I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
