I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
