I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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