my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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