so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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