I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
