Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
