some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
