i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
