just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
