So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
