She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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