Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nobody cheats on THIS.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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