Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
