He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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