all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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