i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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