What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
