Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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