you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
